//Vital Stats - A Cursory Profile
Brooke Nicole Stant, born on March 29, 1981, at 6:30 p.m., in Oxford, Ohio. 5'4 & 3/8" barefoot. Weight varies anywhere from 125 to 135. Miniature scale, short torso, tiny frame - can rarely find clothes that fit. Happy flabby abs. Miserable myopia - rigid gas perms or red plastic glasses. Brunette, deep dark chocolate, stick straight, past waist. Skinny white girl, tans easy, forgets to eat. Overbite, prominent outer incisors, fangs - No, I haven't had cosmetic dentistry thank you. Sensitive skin, rhinitis/dermatitis/eczema phobia, antihistamine junkie, allergy nerd. Sorta vegan, anti-caffeine, fluoride free. No visible pores.
Masquerades as Supervillainess, and is without question Absentee. Lives at the Soap Dish, lurks around Laundro, and forgets to post at Pander. Can be found developing a timeless model of the universe at Tempus, hawking soap at Villainess, sometimes e-Baying, and posting drivel in her LiveJournal. Has many wishes and would very much like some brains.
Native of the 'burbs, prefers travel by SUV. Can now be found in rural areas. Terribly fond of golf-course lawns. Makes soap compulsively/obsessively, always in search of the perfect blend, happiest with goggles amidst lye fumes. Plays violin but fails to practice. Prefers donuts to dollars. Can't reach the top shelf without heels. English Major Honor Roll dropout. Poor correspondant, excellent pal. Aspires to be comic geek but lacks funding and resources. Wants more action figures. Embarassing weakness for fanfic. Would rather edit than write, but finds that in order to edit you have to write something first. Enjoys standardised tests. Wears clip-on jewelry - lacks commitment. Reportedly too nice for own good, but doesn't care enough to be cruel. Is sometimes cruel by not caring. Games "old skool" with original NES.
//Preferrences
An unoriginal spin on the usual likes/dislikes section.
//cinema: The Matrix, 12 Monkeys, The Red Violin, Stir of Echos, Manchurian Candidate, Excess Baggage, Hamlet (w/Hawke), First Knight, Conspiracy Theory, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Breakfast Club, Neverending Story, Gattaca, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Goonies, Finding Forrester, Legends of the Fall, Bridges of Madison County, Dragonfly, A Knight's Tale, X-Men, The Burbs, The Hours, All the Pretty Horses, Snow Falling on Cedars, Batman, Batman Returns, A Walk in the Clouds, In Love and War, The Saint, Eye of the Beholder, Unbreakable, Pleasantville, Sweet November, Wonderboys, Pi, Dead Poets Society, Breakfast At Tiffany's, Final Destination, Butterfly Effect, Arsenic & Old Lace, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, Dogfight, Paycheck, Matchstick Men, The Bourne Identity, Cold Mountain, Secret Window, Catch Me If You Can, The Bourne Supremacy, Sphere, Wicker Park
//television: C.S.I., X-Files, Caroline in the City, Malcom in the Middle, Sliders, Hack, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series, Once & Again, The OC, Guiding Light, First Wave, Due South, Lois & Clark, Leave It To Beaver, Tracker, Monk, Haunted, e.r., Third Watch
//animated: Dragonball Z, Gundam Wing, Outlaw Star, 08th MS Team, Batman Beyond, Cowboy Bebop, Justice League, Johnny Quest, Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, Trigun, Big O
//comics: James Robinson's Starman, Neil Gaiman's Sandman, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Batman: The Long Halloween, & Infinity Inc.
//intolerable: Lint, Dust, Acne, & Sinus Pressure
//half-heard: Let Down by Radiohead, Like Spinning Plates by Radiohead, Soma by the Smashing Pumpkins, Bodies by the Smashing Pumpkins, Worlds Apart by Jars of Clay, Gomer's Theme by Third Day, Company Calls Epilogue by Death Cab for Cutie, Tiny Vessels by Death Cab for Cutie
//scents: Spicy summer evenings, orangey soap, cut cucumbers, vanilla extract, peaches, wild honeysuckle, dark chocolate, rainy afternoons, crushed jasmine, black pepper
//breakfast cereal: Froot Loops, Cap'n Crunch, & Raisin Bran Crunch (anybody know when they quit putting prizes in the cereal box? I mean honestly...)
//colours: reds, shades of blue, purples, grey, black, and white.
//games:
Super Mario Bros. III (nes)
Paper Mario (n64)
Dr. Mario (gameboy pocket)
Gauntlet Legends (arcade)
//authors: T.S. Eliot, Kafka, Orwell, Camus, Bradbury, and Dostoevski
//disbelief: coincidences, carnivorism, licensing, seatbelt laws, religion, love, speed limits, illegalising drugs, "christ"-mas, easter, halloween, valentine's day, independence day, thanksgiving, presidents' birthdays, birthday cakes, sunday church services, church, crosses, ankhs, formal schooling, euphemisms, credit cards, and time
//Rules of the Universe
This is how my world functions.
- Combat boots are appropriate for all occasions.
- There is nothing too dressy or too formal to go with a pair of jeans.
- Academic Performance is inversely related to mental, physical, and emotional well-being. The worse one feels, the better they will score on tests.
- Mascara is intended to be worn in two colours. Red, Blue, Violet, or Green w/Black-tipped lashes make a subtle colour-coordinated statement.
- As soon as you find a style of socks that will work with your combat boots, the store will quit carrying them.
- The day you decide to not prepare for class, your teacher will decide to not have class, or to not cover the skipped material.
- Chipping should enhance nail-varnish. If chips detract, then it must be an undesirable colour.
- Driving fast with the window down is the ultimate way to dry hair. The wind on a sunny day is the best volumiser ever.
- Home is where your cat is.
- Accidental exercise is the only kind worth getting. Like, working on your calves by not taking the elevator, or walking quickly instead of parking close.
- The role of villainess is superior to that of the heroine. Super-villains are autonomous self-made entities. Super-villainy necessitates the super-hero, and thus he is a dependent being. If Lex Luthor and the Joker reformed, both Superman and Batty could retire their capes.
- Makeup remover is an unnecessary expenditure. What's wrong with mascara smudges?
- The British variant is the preferred spelling in all instances. This helps compensate for sounding like a complete poseur when attempting to say 'bloody', 'couldn't be bothered', 'quite', 'rather', and 'sod off'.
- White grows tedious and life is short. Colour coordinate your underwear!
- Name brand clothing is unclean. However, it can be cleansed by an extended stay at Goodwill, Salvation Army, or any donation based thrift shop.
- Chocolate has medicinal properties. Use liberally.
- "Fat Free", "Lite", "Low-Cal", & "Diet" are bad words.
- You are not "goth" unless you're busy terrorising the Early Roman Empire. Eyeliner isn't helping.
- Embarassing moments can always be salvaged by making them more embrassing for someone else.
- Socks are not always meant to match. Some socks benefit from contrast, and mismatched ankles optimise confidence.
- Real shoes have 3" heels.
- The combined force of dust and lint is the single most serious threat to the free world.
- Lines were intended for crossing, envelopes for pushing, and boats for rocking. Rules were meant to be broken.
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